Saturday, January 23, 2010


Proposition was chickened out on, not on my part. The one I'm crazy about still hates me. 2+ years and I still feel like no one is ever going to love me again.

Where is the only living person I want to see right now? I haven't seen or heard from him in months, but I miss him so much. Please call me.

I'm in no condition to work tonight, but I guess I don't have a choice.

I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Ughhhhhh why do I feel like this?

Thursday, January 21, 2010


I feel like I have alot to say but I know now that I've started typing I will forget most of it.

01/16 Dad, Marissa and I went to Norwood to get my Land Rover. Awesome day.

01/17 Land Rover transmission blew on my way to work.

01/18 Had a very good night with my sister, Ryan, Mom and Steve, got Chinese and played Boggle, laughed alot. Great success.

But what I've really been blown away by this week is how upset I was about my LandRover but seeing the positive in the fact that we made it all the way home before this happened and how quickly things have recovered really... are just awesome. Dad found me a new transmission and it's on it's way even though repairs will take a while.

Today it's official I got a second job working in the Photo Lab at school on Tuesdays and Sundays. Splendid, since Jason got fired and Movie Gallery sucks but I've still got to stay until Starbucks guy calls me in the Spring or I find something else.

Last night, I recieved a proposition from someone I would have never thought would given me the chance. This excites me. ALOT.

So most things right now are right in transition, school is pretty stressful getting back in the swing of things, spending just about 700 dollars on supplies and books... Penn College rules, right? But even though money's gonna be tight for a while, I'm at peace. I've got steady awesome friends, a steady head on my shoulders and yeah I'm taking the proposition cause I said it wasn't gonna be anything and it most likely won't, but I'd be an idiot for passing it up. Sometimes I still feel the hole in my heart, but I know if I just stop thinking about it and let it alone, some good will happen - and I'm hoping maybe that will happen out of all this?

"You'll never find it, if you're looking for it."

and on one little negative note that really pisses me off, Penn College students keep getting robbed by Niggers in Williamsport, and trust me I use the term loosely, I'm not one bit racist and I usually stop myself from stereotyping. There's a difference between a black person and a nigger, some are even white. When you can't make a life for yourself that all you can do is harm others so you can get cash for your drugs and stupid shit, it makes me want to tear your insides out. They've been mostly outside campus, thank god not inner campus but really... I don't carry cash but I do carry a knife motherfuckers.

I've got to work 3-7 today, I shouldn't have napped from 5-9 earlier.
Show tomorrow in Lewisburg, good bands, good happenings.

Hopefully. ;)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


People who don't care about other people, don't keep tabs on said people.

Just sayin'.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I'm high.

He loved me, that's all I know.

I'm getting my hair did

and maybe a tattoo on Friday.

I live off impulse lately.

I'm burnt from a tanning bed.
I'm burnt from smoking.

I got an Aqua Massage. It was bangin'.

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010! 429PM

So it's finally 2010. I actually had a great night with TRUE friends. I'm home now, relaxing, watching tv, but I've been sitting here thinking about the past year.

I just want to say fuck 2009 and all the bullshit that came with it. Looking back it blows my mind all the shit I put up with this year. It took me so long to come out of my shell and start wanting to be around people again, and with every other day people made me take a step back. But what blows my mind even more is why I even allowed those people around, maybe I didn't have a choice each time but seriously it's not that way anymore and things aren't the same.

So to those who felt I deserved or that it was hilarious to trash my place, steal from me, lie to my face, make false promises, piss in my bed, treat me like dirt, mess with my head, etc. etc.

It really wasn't, and I certainly didn't deserve any of it. Sorry I'm not as awesome as all of you cause school and my future are important to me. Sorry you all don't seem to have much going for you, and you are caught up daily in your "he said, she said" bullshit drama. Have fun being stuck in your small town areas for the rest of your life, with your poor desisions and dead end jobs.

I forgive, but I DON'T forget.

I count my friends by quality not quantity, my three or four true friends have manners and respect. Therefore I don't need you, don't want you, and I surely don't give a shit about you.

2010 will be much better without you. Best of Luck.