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In my dream - there was Joel, back again - in my dreams it's always a charade and he faked it, even though I know he didn't. I know he's gone. But we were like hanging out with our friends and he was with another girl, I tried to ignore them but it wasn't easy, I ended up just walking out and he came after. He told me he didn't care about her, she just kept grabbing his arm and trying to make it look like more than it was, he told me that no one would ever have what we have, and kissed me. Then I woke up. I was in Ashley's bed, so I tried not to cry.

I went back to sleep and ended up meeting my Grandparents in their thirties, but nothing was different just their bodies and outfits, we had dinner. I'm pretty sure I had a birthday party with the dead, and as weird as it sounds, it was the best party ever. Made me feel like they're still thinking about me, they get to be young again, and I feel like the dead can really talk to you in your dreams.

Seeing Joel was a relief, it felt so real. I heard his voice and felt his kiss, and that's what scares me. I just wish I could cut through the demension that's keeping us apart.

I miss him so much.